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Grab a drink...

Okay, now. I don't know if Mercury being in Retrograde was making people lose their minds, or the fact that there was a full moon over the past weekend, but THESE NIGGAS IS TRIPPIN', AND IT'S UPSETTING ME AND MY HOMEGIRLS, K? Was everyone’s man acting a plum ass fool last month? Is it the heat? Is it crack? Baby...let me tell you. My dating life could truly be a Lifetime movie, and not a comedy. A THRILLER. Actually, a comedy would be fitting as well because this shit is a JOKE. It is outlandish and nobody would believe me if I didn't have the receipts. Let me tell ya'll what happened with Jarvi. Who is Jarvi, you ask? Jarvi was my boyfriend of...hm....3 weeks before shit hit the fan and I found out someone else was his 9-5 and I was The Weekend like our girl SZA said.

Jarvi was sweet, attentive, aaaaannnddd persistent. A lack of consistency is what turned me away from his advances when they began about a year ago. He'd hit me up ever so often but then disappear. I didn't care, I wasn't emotionally invested, so when he randomly decided to be consistent I wasn’t impressed. He lives in the south, so it was cool to consider being closer to someone once I made my move to NC. He said he wanted to see me, so I told him to make it happen. Surprisingly, he did. Once he knew he was going to see me I couldn't get him off my phone. Calling me and/or texting me all day throughout the day, so by no means did I feel like there was going to be some funny business. But you know what they say, "guys that are single don't shoot, but guys in relationships EMPTY THE WHOLE CLIP," and this man came through letting the choppa SING.

I remember a conversation we had regarding what I want. He asked if I wanted him. I told him I wanted respect, love, empathy and consideration and I want whoever was going to provide that. He, of course, said that would be him. He booked two trips to Buffalo that very day and said he was ready to put in the effort. OH OKAY EFFORT. I told him I was visiting NC in a few days and he said he would meet me so we can hang out since that trip was coming up before he came to Buffalo. I was cool with that. If it happens, it happens. As always, I told him, I'll believe it when I see it.

Welp, I saw it.

He met me in NC in a very modest Nissan Sentra (keep this in your mind, it's important) and picked me up to hang out. He invited me to chill for the entire day with him and he planned a whole thing. Before he picked me up, I told him I needed to go to the store to grab a few things and he asked me what I needed. In general conversation I told him I needed some tweezers and a few other things to get my eyebrows together. He picked me up and when I walked in the room, everything I said I needed was right there, in addition to a beautiful bouquet of flowers, my favorite gummy bears and a cute card with a cookie and glass of milk on the front that read "we're the perfect match," or some shit. It was so thoughtful and cute (I’m such a sap) and in that instant, I softened up. I’m a thug but a softy immediately after. We ordered some take out, and watched tv as we sat and talked and got to know each other a bit more. Things were going good, can't even hold ya'll up.

It was dinner time and we both got dressed to head out. As I’m minding my own black ass business, adjusting my wig in the bathroom, he comes over to me with the camera for a picture. *SKKKRRTTT* LET'S PAUSE. This is where I said "ooohh okay, maybe he might be real!" There's no waaaayyyyy a guy in a relationship would ever pose for a picture...and...then...POST IT TO HIS VERY PUBLIC TWITTER ACCOUNT, RIGHT?? *Laughs out loud* Let's continue...

After taking the photo, I took one of my own with better angles and lighting of course and he posts it. As we were waiting for the elevator, he's taking random videos of me, telling me how beautiful I am and being as affectionate as he wants to be. He opens every single door I come near and held my hand whenever we were walking. It was the cutest and I was thrilled about it. After dinner we stopped at a little bar to have some drinks. We ordered tequila shots and his thing is, before you take your shot you have to compliment the other person. We were there for a few hours but then it was time to head back and watch Insecure because...Insecure is obviously life and I'm not missing it for a soul, period.

Jarvi didn't keep his eyes off of me the entire day. During Insecure I caught him snapping random, cute pictures and telling me how fine I am (and yes, I am). He then asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He already had two trips booked to see me and said I could come see him in between those and we can figure out the rest once I know my schedule better in the next coming weeks. I had a boyfriend...and it happened in the blink of an eye.

Everything was smooth sailing. Constant communication, lovey dovey texts and calls, cute random gifts that he'd send to the house for me, voice memos ...all the good stuff. Asking me about my family and my business is something that is close to my heart and he did that and seemingly wanted to help in any way he could, which was touching. He was liking me out loud with no reservations and I felt that in my spirit. June was his birthday month and he had travel plans to LA, I didn't tag along because it was already planned- but we planned to go for Labor Day in September to spark my birthday month. Communication did not stop during his vacation. We texted the whole time, facetiming while he was at the beach, sending me pics of all his food, etc. I would have never thought he PROPOSED TO HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND DURING THIS TRIP, AT ALL. LITERALLY MINUTES AFTER HE FACETIME’D ME FROM THE BEACH.

Yes, you heard me right. He had another girlfriend the entire time and I had no clue until she hit me with the "Barbara, this is Shirley" in my IG DM's. Let me get into it. You got a drink? You might need one, maybe two. Hell… grab the bottle, beloved.

Jarvi returned home from LA and I was still in the dark about that information. About a week later, I was feeling a bit weird about things. Maybe I’d made the wrong decision by moving so quickly but at the time it felt right and I’ve been trying that whole “go with your heart” thing. However, there had been a few times that my Facetime calls to him had gone unanswered and if he did answer them, they would abruptly hang up. Something wasn't right and I could feel it, I just couldn't figure out what. This wasn’t me being nosy or weird… this was women’s intuition and whatever guy is reading this and rolling your eyes – GO TO HELL, women’s intuition is real. I asked him about the change in his patterns, and he brushed it off or would change the subject and that wasn't anything like the conversations we'd been having thus far. So, I called my sissy. I was telling her that something didn't feel right and she was trying to convince me that maybe it was nothing. She knows I'm a runner from feelings so she was trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. In the middle of this conversation, I get a DM of someone coming to me as a woman, asking me if I knew Jarvi.

Here. We. Go.

Instead of responding to her first, I call him. I know more than anyone that some women can be just as crazy as men can be liars. If I was going to be in this, I was going to go to the source and hope he’d tell me the truth. I asked him about it and he was too calm. The “who, what” questions came from him, trying to sound as if he wanted to “figure out” what I was talking about. He said that she was his ex, and that she thought of him as “the one that got away.” Once he hit me with the "I'll call you right back," I already knew what the game was so I message sis back. She tells me that he told her that we're just good friends, and that she was sorry for bothering me. Poor thing. He was feeding her bullshit and she was eating it up at first. Finally I told her I was his girlfriend and she said well, this is awkward. Lol. No shit, sis (I'm only calling her sis because I don't want to put her name out there, she's just as innocent as I am - no shade).

I called my sissy back and told her about it and she had to pick her jaw up off of the floor. We pulled an old school 3 way call so she could hear what ol' girl had to say. Tea was spilled. They just got engaged (his birthday weekend when he was in LA), and they'd been together 6-ish months. She'd only been to his home a few times, and was sure that he took an uber to her house when he came over. They were planning on moving in together soon, and getting their marriage license in December. I was sent photo evidence, screenshots, etc. And the icing on the cake – that Nissan Sentra he drove to NC to see me in, was hers! Baby...BAYBEEEEEE. I was sick.

We had a long conversation about him and I was happy that she approached me especially in the manner that she did. It’s always refreshing when women can talk about the fuck boy that has us fucked up and not be upset at each other. Now, this is where everything gets good…

Stay tuned for part II…

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