• Juice

aye, big guh!

Let's get right into it because I got some shit to say TAHDAY, OKURRRR? First of all, I've been a big girl my whole life. And it has never stopped me from doing and getting what and WHO I want. LETS BE CLEAR. *3 snaps in a Z formation.*

Have I had my fair share of insecurities about it? Yes. But it has never overshadowed anything else I had no offer, inside and out. I've never been skinny, thin, slim...none of that shit. I'm more like thickums, BBW, Plus-Size... whatever you want to it. Just put some respecK on it. Now that BBW's are a "thing," it has become annoying (for lack of a better word) to date...and just exist in today's world of social norms, social media and social bullshit. Why does my confidence or the confidence of another plus size woman offend YOU?? Everybody has a got damn opinion about what you should do or wear. Who you should date. Bitch, mind yours.

This whole post is stemming from someone I just met. I'm not giving too many details YET, but you know I'll let ya'll in soonT. But he (seemingly) loves my body. To the point that it made me question my own damn love for it! LOL. It's honestly refreshing and for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like someone is trying to fulfill a fantasy or keep me a secret.

Short story time. My first boyfriend, we'll call him Black, was about 6'2, beautifully built with flawless chocolate skin, pearly white teeth and a low caesar. He was all around fine! Black and I were very much into checking in on each other regularly, so we would pop up on each other at work. Mostly him because he had the better car at the time, lol. I was working at a convenient store and he would pop in, buy something simple, and let me keep the change from his $100 bills because just had to flex *insert eye roll,* give me a kiss and dip. I noticed one of my coworkers constantly looking at us when he came in, but I didn't pay it any mind. One day, I overheard her ask our other coworker "how the hell did she get him" as he was walking out of the door. I literally laughed. How miserable do you have to be to be worried about how I got MY MAN? Needless to say, she got an earful... and almost a fist-full, too. But the shit happens too often! Why does being overweight decrease someone's value? I'm not supposed to be able to "get" certain people because I got rolls? Someone doesn't fit the "social norm" and you question their worth? Sick shit, right? Right.

When you get into a fight or an argument, or even a harmless roast session, the first thing people come at is your weight if they consider you fat. It's the easy go-to. The most obvious. The joke that'll get the laugh. It was no different for me growing up. People brought it up in an attempt to hurt my feelings. Almost as if it was a reminder and it was supposed to effect me. As if I forgot I was fat. Once I got to high school I either suppressed the emotions behind it, or it didn't bother me. I really can't say which one. Elementary school was way worse for me (s/o to Olmsted gang) because we were reckless with the jokes. But it geared me up for high school. I was ready with smart ass come backs to whoever wanted smoke. It got me into a lot of shit but I was always able to fight (literally) my way out of it. It didn't happen often, but when it did I hurt feelings. Those "fat ass" jokes bounced right off of me and spun back around with an even more hurtful "joke." Them: "thats why you're fat." Me: "That's why you still have to sound out your words, dummy." See. It's not a game. Not that any of it was right, but its high school and ya'll know that's how it goes down. I've even had friends turn around and say it. When we were cool, no one could say it to me or it was beef. Or they hit you with the "no you're not fat, you're pretty." Actually, I'm BOFFUM. But, now that you're mad it's "ugh, I can't stand her fat ass." Sit down then, sis.

One thing I really want to touch on is clothing. Wardrobe. What to wear and when. I'm all for dressing for your body type. Certain cuts and fabrics make certain shapes look weird. For instance, I'm big AND not that tall so wide leg pants look nuts on me. Otherwise, I wear what I want. When I want. However I want. And that's that on that. Do not be ashamed to wear the bathing suit. Do not be scared to wear the short dress. There are things like spanx that will help smooth out your midsection and/or thighs if necessary, and even waist trainers or "body magic" corsets that make you appear slimmer. If that helps you, wear them! The most important thing is that you feel good! Look at yourself in the mirror and love every roll, curve, and dimple in your booty sis! All of that is just covering up the deliciousness that you are inside. More layers for these people to cut through to get to the real you. And if they can't make it - their problem! I get asked a lot about clothes and where I get shit from and I'm not one of those people who aren't going to tell you where I got something from. LOL. So, some of my FAVORITE places to shop are - Nike (they should've never made plus size because I've literally spent hundreds already), Eloquii, ASOS, Torrid, Rebdolls, Lane Bryant (for bra's).

Now... dating. This shit... this right here. Woo, chile. The stress. The agony! From having guys say they need to "try" a big girl, or they bash big girls on on the timeline but be in your inbox? The best one? Asking for your number in person and when you decline saying " I didn't want you anyway, fat ass bitch!" Move ashy! Gon' head. Leave me alone. It AMAZES me that people really think you lower your standards if you're plus size and that you have to talk to whoever is attracted to you because nobody else it. FOH, fam. All my ex's were fine...dumb...but fine...LOL. As much as I know I am an absolutely amazing person, I have to carry the fact that mainstream does not consider me beautiful, so SOME people don't want to be seen with me. And those people, can kick rocks! I've never been effected by those who didn't like me or find me attractive, because it's rare. I say this humbly, I promise! There aren't many guys I meet that don't want to "try" me. However, I'm not a free sample. This ain't a ride, and this ain't it. Period. My standards, because YES, WE HAVE THOSE, are what they are and will not waiver. Especially not now, I'm finna be 30. TF. But, let's not forget about the BBW lovers. Those guys who want to lick you from your rolls to your toes and hold onto your FUPA for dear life! They're out there, I promise. Be careful though...BBW is a porn category, with that said, be careful you just aren't fulfilling a fantasy to someone. Unless that's what you WANT to do.

Although I'm in the process of attempting to lose weight (-13lbs woop woop), my size hasn't held me back from doing anything outside of riding roller coasters. Ultimately, I want to be able to run and play with my kids one day and not get winded climbing up the stairs. It's all about doing what (and who) makes you feel good! Never be sorry or dim your light to make someone else comfortable. You are a pink starburst, sis!

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I don’t even want to look at the date of the last time I blogged because I’m so ashamed that I let this piece of me fall to the wayside. However, I’m baaaaccckkk (for now) and committing to bi-weekly